The Captain Has No Clothes

An excerpt from the book:

“Having nice washies!” Maegan chirped after her guardian. Yon came back out of the shower before the door finished shutting and gave Maegan a warning glare. She rolled over on the couch and regarded him with an upside-down grin.

“No pink dye in the shampoo bottle?”

“No!”

“No switching the water knobs?”

“Oh noes!”

“No blue perma-dye in the water tanks?”

“All gone!”

“No gelatin in the water tanks?”

“No-o jelly-o!”

Yon was only slightly reassured. Maegan was endlessly creative, and even more mischievous. He gave his charge one last glare and shut the door.

Maegan sat on the couch in their personal quarters and waited until she heard the watertight seals in the inner door click into place. Watertight meant soundproof, and with the independent ventilation in that shower, someone could come and go without the person using the shower even knowing.

Maegan did exactly that. She gathered up all of Yon’s clothes and scampered off to her room with them. She threw them on her bed, then ran back to the shower. She grabbed every single towel and raced into the employee quarters. She handed a startled Head Oresman the towels and scampered back to the captain’s quarters.

One of the employees looked at the Oresman. “She be up to her tricks again, ain’t she?” He scratched absently at the burn scar that covered most of his right cheek.

Oresman nodded. “If’n I be right about what she’s a-doin’, we’s gonna hear Cap’un Ibert’n all the ways down here.” Burn looked at Oresman, disbelieving. “He ain’t nothin’ but a half-pint, but he can shout better’n Mug.”

“You be pullin’ my ears. Better’n Mug? No one can shout louder’n Mug.”

“I been on this ship long as the Second Mate, an’ I seen every man come up. Cap’un Ibert’n be louder’n any of ‘em.”

Burn looked down the hall that Maegan had disappeared down. Louder than Mug... that would be something.

Maegan sat in her room, grinning and bouncing one knee. Yon’s clothes were a little too big for her—she had a very similar build to her guardian, but he was about five inches taller than she was. She giggled madly to herself, waiting for the explosion she was sure she would hear. Unable to resist the temptation, Maegan slipped down the hall to the employee section door.

“Holy S’VARK! Where are my clothes?! MAEGAN!! I’m going to verkuling KILL—aaw, BUUCKT! MAEGAN! YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST LEFT ME A BIG TOWEL!!”

Maegan squealed with uncontrollable laughter as Yon yelled at her while clenching the towel around his waist. He ducked back into the shower room again. Several loud bangs came from the shower room, and then the door opened. Recognizing this as her cue to run like hell, Maegan turned and dashed into the employee quarters, laughing so hard she could barely see. Despite the fact that he had only a pair of shorts on (thank god he had even thought to hide some underclothing in one of the closets in case of this kind of thing), Yon gave chase.

Oresman looked up when a great tenor roar echoed through the ship. He couldn’t make out the words, but that was definitely Cap’un Ibert’n. Burn’s jaw fell a little. “Like I said. If’n we still lived in one of them wooden stilt-houses, he’d a-shouted the whole bum thing down.”

Maegan’s voice echoed down the halls. “The Captain has no clothes! The Captain has no clothes!!”

The Captain shot past the two men. His hair was brilliant pinkish-red. Oresman chuckled. “He has clothes... she jus’ switched his shampoo with pink dye ag--”

The Captain ran past in nothing but his shorts. Oresman and Burn looked at each other.

“—ain... he... he... the Captain ain’t got no clothes!!”


Maegan, you are an evil little girl. But we love you all the same.

I catchy the stealies, my dad will have you frying in lawsuit hell. He's the guy who TEACHES lawyers to do what they do. He is not just a lawyer... he is an UBER LAWYER!! And he likes golf. x3 Back on track, please don't steal. The nonsensical stuff that Yon is yelling is simply a lot of swearing in another language. Translating it... would be bad. Yes, bad.

Hooray crappy backgrounds! Total time: ten or eleven hours.